One thing that has always baffled me is certainty. I would perhaps never tire of saying that certainty is the grandest illusion of mankind be it in relationship or in matters of profession. My inconsistency coupled with the frequent onslaughts of uncertatinty leaves me dumbfounded.
Perhaps I m too thin skinned, still not mature enough to face criticism. And especially if ghosts from the past come back to haunt your life and that too indirectly.
Can a real assesment be made of a book by just going through one of it's chapters. Pray no! One has to read the book. Can the analyst force his standards while critically examining the book? Well, I guess no. One has to be free of bias. Similarly, can a person be assesed by just one act? Can the concept of fragmented identities that make up one complete identity be thorwn to gather dust?
I wish to die in cognito coz my mortal soul is time and again subjected to extreme tortures.
Digging up the past to ascertain the present has become a fad these days. The Hindu right started it and the sensibility has crowded the most sensible of minds. Perhaps something was brewing up in the sub conscious. Are we Indians so gullible that we link up everything to mundane politics? Perhaps we do?
The infamy that I bequeathed from the rather glitzy past ( a moment's mistake) will keep on revisiting me. I compromised everything but I mnot GOD to shape up events. I am also a human being, I too wilt under pressures. I was also the most pampered in the family but I decided to pamper someone else. I gladly accepted everything, bouquets and brickbats. But too much of rubbing can sometimes be frustrating and that too over the same matters which one has decised to relinquish for the good. Still, it keeps coming back to me. I have no answers to this existentialist existence.
Among equals, im the lesser mortal.
Among the best, i m the wrost.
Among the very own humanity, i m no more human.
I gaze future with uncertainty.
I can be rebuted but constant rebutals over the same issues can force me to take extreme steps.
When wrong i admit but when pushed to the wall, my passions can recoil.