posted on 11/28/2003
I have written an open letter to the CM of Jharkhand and Chief Justice of Jharkhand High Court narrating my last night ordeal. I would reproduce the same here-
To
The Chief Minister
Jharkhand

Cc: Chief Justice, Jharkhand High Court

Sub: How safe is Ranchi?

Sir
Outsiders always ridiculed this part of India as being unsafe. I, a sub-editor with the Hindustan Times, Ranchi, out and out derided them thinking that a mountain was being created out of a molehill. I thought it was all negative publicity. But I was wrong. Realisation dawned on me on early Friday when few drunken revelers assaulted me on the Government Bus Stand campus over a trivial issue.
Had it not been for the support from the local shopkeepers, I would have been beaten mercilessly.
It’s a known fact that traveling through the Naxalite terrains of Jharkhand in trains and buses during night can prove to be fatal. The argument goes, the countryside is entrapped in Naxal violence. Does the same logic hold good for cities also?
My nightmarish experience has led me to believe that there is no semblance of a civil society in the city. On minor provocations, people can resort to mindless violence. I would say the feudal mindset has not been completely wiped off from this place.
I would like to narrate my experience before you-
After completing my work in the office (Hindustan Times), I along with my colleague Goutam Das went to the Bus Stand to enjoy tea. However, few youth came to the venue and started spitting on my motorcycle. After I requested them not to do so, they hurled the choicest of epithets on me and created a ruckus there. A fracas followed in which I received internal injuries. Five to six young men, all consumed by Bacchus, came in a white car. They were apparently coming from a wedding party as their car was decorated.
They also tried to set my vehicle on fire and boasted of having influence in the corridors of power. Before leaving, they threatened me with dire consequences.
I am a small time scribe trying hard to get myself inured to the journalistic rigours. But such incidents depress me.
Should such misdemeanour be allowed to pass by? I want answers. When drunken driving is banned by the law, how did they manage to flout all the rules with impunity? How could the police absolve themselves from protecting the law-abiding citizens? More than 20 hours have passed and the assaulters are still traceless.
If no is above the law, I challenge you to restore my faith in the law of the land by bringing the guilty to the book.

Yours truly,
Prasanna Raghav
Copy-editor
Hindustan Times, Ranchi

Date: 28/11/03

Dreamer's never say die...They live on more vibrantly to pursue their dreams. I m young n i too have a dream, a dream that is bound within the contours of of human rationality and yet unrestrained. I have not lost the battle, one that is being fought on the surreptitous grounds of proving ur mettle. Every human being wages a war with himself for scaling greater heights. I m too n i know that i will win it comfortably.
My imagination seems to be fired..i m willing to put in extra effort,,thanks to the 'instigator', whose company sheer presence has made tremendous difference to my life,,i owe a lot to HER.
My enthusiasm took me to an unexplored destination where i decided to be professionaly proficient. It helped me to hone my skills,,,,i m planning big stuff,,may be writing a book,,,who knows,,,,i m not boasting but i may end up writing a book on my experiences n observations in Jharkhand,,,on how this place is being corrupted mistaken modernity.....
I m not worried over questions that concern my future,,if i secure my present n do my work diligently, i m sure future will also be colorful.
A thing of beauty is joy forever....i m yearning for joy...
Truth is beauty n beauty is truth.
I want n wish my truth to beautify my world.
LOVE

Tomorrow is my off day but i m not sure of what i m going to do. Even Rinku mama is not here.
The extravagance of hope has come in direct conflict with the compulsion of present day reality. The acrimonious realities of life have dawned on me. It was not as if i was completely ignorant but yes i used to evade such questions. But when things stare right in ur face, u have to address them. I m looking for answers n a leeway, i fear if it's a corect word to use.
Present tense, Future indefinite,,,What to do? Where shall I go? Am i wasting myself? I m perturbed. I can't lose the essence of lie. I have to be something but how? OK tomorrow i will get a full day to think over it.
Optimism is not my favourite word though i treasure it secretly. I praise the effects of this word clandestinely. What does it reflect? Low level of confidence? I m intimidated because TIME is not on my side. It's running out. My destiny will be decided by 'what i m'? People would never know the intricacies that i harbour.
Going to home to contemplate over these matters,,,

Life in news room sucks. Everyday it's the same old story. Edit copies n make pages. But why i m cribbing? Didn't i know this fact? And for that matter, arent all jobs mnotonous? When people talk about job satisfaction, it seems that they are hoodwinking themselves only. Why do people have pretensions? Job satisfaction can only be 'bought' when one almost reaches that elusve of all human feelings-passion.
But is the passion guaranteed? Oh so many questions n no answers. Where shall i find these answers?
Can i seek these answers by adhering to a set ideology? Well I would in the first place do not stick to any particular ideology to churn out my answrs from it but i wud nonetheless give it a patient hearing before deriding it completely. Skepticism is washed away by the accumulated wisdom of knowledge situated in sifting time n space.
There cant be universal ideology because the very notion takes away the essence of human character to be diverse. It is due to the versality of points of view that the mankind has either fragmented itself or has bettered itself in the course of time.
But yes i agree that simple ideas are presented in such a way that the undersatnding of ideologies turns out to be a herculian task.
Will resume later,,,,,happiness rings in the heart through cell phones,,

Here is my write up that appeared on Tuesday in Ranchi edition

Who will stem rape of the rock?
Prasanna Raghav
Ranchi, November 17

In Ranchi, rock art does exist! But instead of being historically relevant, it has great commercial value.
A hillock in Bariatu, near the firing range, has, of late, been made a soft target of commercial vandalism – the rocks here bear the brunt of advertisements painted on them.
The Supreme Court, in a landmark judgement last year, had imposed a heavy penalty on the cola companies for causing similar environmental damage to the Rohtang Pass and its adjoining areas. An appointed committee had stated that such advertisements violate the Forest Conservation Act 1980 and also a SC order of 1996.
However, the concerned departments in Jharkhand have found it convenient to ignore the SC judgment.
The land in question does not belong to the Forest Department. But does that absolve them of their duty towards preserving nature?
A top forest department official said that though the department officials were aware of the advertisements, they have preferred to ignore. Department secretary Mukhtiyar Singh said he came to know about the advertisements only two days ago but is not sure on the course of action to be taken. An official said that plantation activities were carried out by the department near the hillock to "turn the area into a green pasture".
It's an irony that in spite of identifying the area for plantation activities, the Forest Department missed out on such glaring advertisements in the adjoining hillock.
Though the land is owned by the district administration, its officials have no inkling into the matter. "Now that we have come to know of it, we will take up the matter urgently," said ADM Vimal Chaudhary.
As the pass-the-buck attitude continues to reverberate in the corridors of power, the rocks stand defaced even today.

I m sitting next to senior journalists, having a moment to chance upon their wisdom n experience.
Today i got a byline on the Live page 1. Indeed my article on rape of the rock would have been raped by the sub but i m not complaining. After all it's a subs's job. Hated for their editing itch, the subs accord themselves the status of MORTAL GODS. Nothing special but yes it feels good to see ur name in 'fine print'.
The Clash of the Titans also melted away. But still i m worried over life various faces. I m prturbed over the health of life.
resume tomorrow.

Happiness is playing coquettery with me,,,While u r happy in the evening, u may end up being sad the very night. how flirtatious it is? It cajoles.
The trouble starts when one starts finding extraneous meaning situated outside of a particular discourse. I m not meticulous with my words,,perhaps i never understood the importance of words,,,,
But i m not hurt,,,,now i m back to my usual self,,,,i think that i m at ease with myself only when i m an 'acquescing angel',,,,oh i love to be one,,,,,just for love,,,,

The numerous contradictions of life that stare right in my face have turned adversarial. My anxiety reverberates in my pensive soul. How brazenly i was ignored at the cost of others who offered 'solace'.
I thoroughly enjoyed the day,,after all i was pampered. among fat cats and obscenly artificial persons,,,huh!!!!!!!
So, my last blog entry n my last day on the net will also help heal some wounds. My cell would also go silent. I m destiny's forgotten, ill-groomed child who is replete with contradictions. My blood boils but it cools too.
The discourse has shifted from universal to personal. Innocence dissolves in knowledge n knowledge gives way to exercise of power situated in a particular discourse. Innocence-knowledge-power. Where am i lost in this chain? Do i want to exercise brute power in personal relationship or i mbeing made a meek subject of nonchalance? I have no answers for this.....and yes people learn to swim on their own...so have I? No I would never swim...I would rather be an escapist,,,,never to wade through water again.

I m happy that November the 14th, a red letter day in my life, has come once again. The clock has turned a full circle n it's heartening to know that I have not veered out of my resolute path to be loved and love.
I could not maintain my rather unusual stubborn chracter. My anger has vanished into thin air and I want to start it afresh. But I fear that situation from where i can be rebuked. It is holding me back for the last two days. Still I would try.
Happy B' Day to the real child woman.

A day after off in the office doesn't seem to refresh my haggard looks. Nothing seems to be falling in line. Was so annoyed with myself that I ended up spending Rs 1700 on shopping. All done to hide the personality disorder that is Prasanna. How clever human beings are that they cover up their ugliness by wearing expensive clothes. Things fall apart, centre can not hold. Indeed, the falcon cannnot hear the falconer. O my repeated atempts to reconcile myself to destiny backfires on me. I have turned a rebel, challenging destiny. As flies are to wanton boys, we r to Gods, they kill us for their sport. But is it so easy to withdraw from the battlefield? My questioning spirit seems to be soaring high,,,,,i have entered a phase when i have started questioning the 'designs' of destiny. Oh! does it exist at all? I get too perplexed and bewildered when i take a stroll down the memory lane. But then I live with hope of life embracing me once again.
Yestaerday went to Ambarish's place where I met his father, a religious man and an astrologer who can be trusted upon. He told me that I m soon going to quit this profession and I would marry a girl of my own choice. He was talking about fate, life after death and many more metaphysical aspects. I got engrossed in his words. He is so awe-inspiring. I drew strenght from his words. I again started believing in destiny but this belief was ephemeral as I failed to establish a lost contact in the evening,,,,,perhaps I was rebuked. I m also misunderstood. So, my rebellious nature is no surprise.
Will resume tomorrow with a hope that I will write something constructive.

I thought i had purged myself before GOD.
But even that did not douse the conflagration of heart.
Harping on the past, reminding me of my vices.
I was happy to have undone the mistake before the almighty
but things keep coming back. Happiness is too momentary a thing. It decieves.
I m also a human being. I m too hurt, misunderstood, given a final word, asked to give a final gift. Amn't I hurt?
On slightest provocation, for which i was not at all responsible, lacerating invectives were hurled on me. I was again typefied, a journalist who is cynical and always fun-loving and enjoys the company of perverts. I assert that I m not one them. Still i can not make myself clear. Perhaps I m the only unfortunate to have witnessed my own character assasination n that too very craftily backed by the Socratic logic. Wont i be hurt?
" I m impulsive" but that doesn't mean that I will keep hurting people everytime n expect saluataions. Pleasing mask of individuality, I would say. Have I ever questioned myself that why i m not able to get along with anyone, except of corse my family members? Do I demand too many concessions in the form of reminding people about their past mistakes? I m too impulsive and passionate but I took two days on deciding the most important step of my life.So, here reason overtakes passion! I will lay out the guidelines and expect everyone to follow. I m morally superior and everyone else is infra dig. I m the one who will do the talking and ask others to shut up. I have my own way. After all i m an individual. I m always justified in my thoughts. Even if someone has accepted his mistakes, I would demoralise him with my curt messages. I m so generous that I can forgive but never forget. I cant help it. Thats the way i am and i cant change. God has endowed me the capacity to strike the final nail in the coffin.
So, there is a limit to everything. There is also a limit to individuality. I would expect everyone to shed his ego. Even that wont suffice. I would again make them feel guilty because i m too impulsive and can be put-off by the peresence of people who do not exist for me. Everytime I want the other person to assuage my hurt feelings. I dont care whether he is hurt or not. But I have promised one thing that I will be the one to cut the ice even if takes ages.
Now I will wait and watch. Or is it the end of the story? I have nothing to say. But I m mortified and can only take recourse to solitude to repent that I too have lost the gamble n everything. Now I know that why is it termed a well-deserved win. Perhaps I would never win anything else.

Woke up a little late as I wanted to extend my state of temporary death a little longer coz the real world of consciousness troubles me a lot. Even when i was sleeping only one thing floated high up in my consciousness, the travails of daily existence. I did not want to get up.
I was thinking whether I m really an unsavoury character. If I made acquaintances for few days to share my rather talked about insularity and not hedonism ( except for one moment the burden of which i will carry all my life), was I wrong? I m neither a zombie nor a staunch individualist to lock myself within the contours of myself only. I need people to talk to. I want to share my opinion. If one is really talented but peverse at the same time, I would go with the intellectual part of his/her personality rather than indulge myself in perversion. I respect the saner aspects of personality. And in freindship I always look for those qualities which i can respect and from which i can gain something.
Since I m full of myself, I constantly tried to assert myself. Oh yes I was respected by batchmates not for my frivolities but for being intellectually alive. But today I have no contacts with my batchmates for reasons known only to me. I can not take a stance because they have been branded hedonists and plesure seeking people of which I m also a part. An episode that was forgotten like forlorn gravestones raised its head once again. Today, I find myself in an ineluctable and invidiuos position from where I can only listen to the rants as a mute spectator. I can not retort because I was for a moment infra-dig. I accepted that but now I refuse to budge. I wanted to trample upon the past grave but the rickety skeleton is time and again exhumed to make life miserable. So where shall I go from here?
One thing that I have noticed during the last two years is that it is very difficult for two persons to have the same set of norms for judging people. I m a little liberal. I do not compell people to accept my benchmarks for judgement because I respect individuality. I also expect the same.
My personal space that has been heavily encroached upon by my profession clamours for solitude. I think one would be happy alone as one does not have to live up to others' expectations. If one fails to fulfill the expectations, there may be quite a ruckus and frustration that could result in personal agony of the highest order.
Wanted to compose few salutations but was struck to find all the mails deleted from my mail box. That set me off. I decided against it. I was really mortified.

One thing that has always baffled me is certainty. I would perhaps never tire of saying that certainty is the grandest illusion of mankind be it in relationship or in matters of profession. My inconsistency coupled with the frequent onslaughts of uncertatinty leaves me dumbfounded.
Perhaps I m too thin skinned, still not mature enough to face criticism. And especially if ghosts from the past come back to haunt your life and that too indirectly.
Can a real assesment be made of a book by just going through one of it's chapters. Pray no! One has to read the book. Can the analyst force his standards while critically examining the book? Well, I guess no. One has to be free of bias. Similarly, can a person be assesed by just one act? Can the concept of fragmented identities that make up one complete identity be thorwn to gather dust?
I wish to die in cognito coz my mortal soul is time and again subjected to extreme tortures.
Digging up the past to ascertain the present has become a fad these days. The Hindu right started it and the sensibility has crowded the most sensible of minds. Perhaps something was brewing up in the sub conscious. Are we Indians so gullible that we link up everything to mundane politics? Perhaps we do?
The infamy that I bequeathed from the rather glitzy past ( a moment's mistake) will keep on revisiting me. I compromised everything but I mnot GOD to shape up events. I am also a human being, I too wilt under pressures. I was also the most pampered in the family but I decided to pamper someone else. I gladly accepted everything, bouquets and brickbats. But too much of rubbing can sometimes be frustrating and that too over the same matters which one has decised to relinquish for the good. Still, it keeps coming back to me. I have no answers to this existentialist existence.
Among equals, im the lesser mortal.
Among the best, i m the wrost.
Among the very own humanity, i m no more human.
I gaze future with uncertainty.
I can be rebuted but constant rebutals over the same issues can force me to take extreme steps.
When wrong i admit but when pushed to the wall, my passions can recoil.

I m bored with my real identity as a sub-editor in an English daily. Therfore, i decided to assert my virtual identity by entering the blogworld. Indeed life vacillates between real and the virtual. So i m not an exception to this golden rule.
This is my second stint with the blog duniya. Last time I was so much disillusionised with the blogwars that i decided to call it a day. But now I want to resurface among the best.
Prasanna