Is DEATH the final answer to all ills plaguing the SELF?
I run out of patience, my greatness betrays me. May be some day, out of frustration, my SELF would turn treacherous. And when one is not himSELF, life can be at the mercy of DEATH.
How often I have been buried under the debris of crumbled high rise mansions of expectations that were only erected to satiate the voracious dreams? But I never said die. I always reminded myself of that famous phrase: And miles to go before I sleep...I have not slept but I m trodding a wasteland, a moor that is crowded with centaurs ready to devour my dreams.
It seems that I have lost the battle and now I m on the way to losing the war. Seems that the final blow has been dealt to my dreams. I no longer dream, I survive the vagaries of time.
Today I was reading Love in the time of Cholera and the delightful reading, typical of magic realism, made me more pensive. Particularly those moments when Dr Juvenal Urbino dies. Few lines
"...and he looked at her for the last and final time with eyes more luminous, more grief stricken, more grateful than she had ever seen them in half a century of a shared life, and managed to say to her with his last breath: "Only God knows how much I loved you." "
Made an interesting reading. Couldn't help thinkin about future, old age, misconceptions, misunderstandings, love, elations, family... People say that there is an enjoyment in reading tragedy. I felt it. What happens when one starts drawing vicarious pleasure in tragedy? For the first time in life, I felt literature.
I dont understand the various manifestations of sex appeal. I m too naive to do that. I m too much pre occupied with hard realities that certain things escape my notice, I deliberately try to do it or it happens. Only GOD knows.
I think I can not compliment genius, I never was. And it's my own drawback that I have been unsuccessful in letting expressions come through.
So, the final word : I m a failure on all the fronts. Wings of dream Pegasus have been clipped, I can no longer fly.
a loser